Just practiced my machete, and boy are my arms tired...

About a week ago, I started learning how to use a machete. The following is the story about how one gringa learned how to use a machete like a mountain woman.

So...in Latin America it is very common to see people (well, only men really) walking around with a machete in their hand. There is nothing like looking over at the side of the road to see 10 guys with machetes coming out of the brush. Before I lived here, machetes would really scare me. Like I only really saw them in horror movies and they were usually used to do some real damage to someone. I'm sure I've seen a machete used constructively in the states at some point, but I just can't remember.

On our 13 hour road trip to Trujillo over Semana Santa, we had a little car game. Since machetes are so popular, you had to say "machete" when you saw one. You had to just say it casually. It went something like this, "So, I was talking to my class about the solar system, machete, and we were talking about what happened to poor old Pluto." And by game, I mean that it was usually me just saying "machete" over and over again. You can imagine how fun this was. I don't remember how many we counted, but how can you quantify that kind of fun? You're right, you can't.

So, I took note of all the machetes on our trip and decided I wanted to learn how to use one. Marcio, our gardener and friend at work, said he would teach me. One humid afternoon, out behind the multi-uso building, while my kids were in Spanish class, I held my very first machete. He proceeded to teach me the ins and outs of how to hold it, how you have to keep your hand level when cutting grass, and many other secrets to the machete. And let me tell you, there are lots of secrets! Now remember, this lesson is taking place in Spanish and I'm very impressed at how much Spanish I understand, especially with all the new machete vocabulary.

When he was modeling, Marcio was so fast and confident. It was amazing to watch! I was still scared to try it though. "Tengo miedo", I said. Marcio could tell. Half the time I was wincing and trying not to get hit by the leaves he was chopping. He thought it was funny. The machete is very powerful and you have to respect it, he said. Plus you have to have confidence. I couldn't help but think that we should be wearing safety goggles. I didn't say anything to Marcio, partly because he would laugh at me and partly because I had my sunglasses on. Safe enough. Honduran safety standards are somewhat lax, to say the least. Then it was my turn. I was so nervous! But, I figured who better to supervise me than Marcio? So I practiced and chopped some small branches. I tried to cut some grass, but that's way harder than just chopping something with one fell swoop. I decided my specialty would be branches. After only a few minutes my hand was weak. Apparently you have to build up to working with the machete. I decided that I wanted my very own, but one with a pink handle. Marcio said they totally make them.

Now, let me tell you what happened yesterday!! I went into town with my roommate Sarah and her boyfriend Nahun. He is Honduran and also skilled in the art of machete (as any good Honduran man is). We went to our version of Home Depot and I. Got. My. Very. Own. Machete. We shopped them a little bit and I was still a little nervous to hold something with so much power. I decided on a medium sized on with a red handle. They didn't have pink. The nerve! Hair toss.

Yesterday Nahun sharpened my machete and I watched closely so I can take care of it myself. Then we practiced on our bushes and grass. I don't really like cutting the grass, I'm more of chop the bushes kind of girl. Damaris even tried it out. We love the "shhhhwing!" sound it makes. Our bushes have never looked better. One of our guards walked by and I proudly showed him my new machete. He laughed. In the middle of my machete session we had to leave and went out with some friends. I couldn't wait to get back and work with my machete. I was eager to get back at it! It was so much fun. Like, I have found my new hobby.

My new machete now rests comfortably under my bed. Nahun told me it was bad luck to leave your machete out where you can see it. Makes sense. He also said I am very dangerous now. I'd have to agree.

It's amazing after working with the machete (or machete-ing, as I like to say) how you start to notice what you can chop everywhere you go. Like when when we went out yesterday. We went to a nearby town to eat pupusas. On the way we saw lots of rogue bushes and trash. I was telling everyone how we could really fix this place up, with my machete and them picking up trash! It would be beautiful.


Sidenote: Marcio is probably the most macho man I've ever met in my life. He can fix anything and is very into traditional gender roles. He has 4 sons, one of which is in my class. They are all very disciplined and have an incredible work ethic. They all know how to use a machete and don't wince when branches are flying everywhere.