Mr. Roger's Neighborhood

Lately we've been having some problems with the neighbors. Not so much problems with the neighbors (we never see them!) but problems with their cars/friends' cars/used car lot. When you live in a duplex, your neighbors are super close, you see. I'm not sure WHAT is going on next door, but it's not normal. The two car driveway usually houses four cars, with at least two overlapping into the yard. PLUS there are usually two to three cars parked in front of our house on the curb. One is always in front of the mailboxes and one is directly in front of our house. I know it's a free country, and the streets are for public use, yadda, yadda, yadda. WE LIVE IN A TWO BEDROOM/TWO BATHROOM DUPLEX. What can y'all possibly be doing with all these cars? It just looks trashy.

We do have a homeowner's association. One time we got a letter from the homeowner's association asking us to cut the grass. Now that I get. Sure, we were being lazy about it. We cut it and moved on. I think this offense is slightly elevated from tall grass. I have been trying not to bring them into it. I was giving the elusive neighbors the benefit of the doubt. Until yesterday.

What I'm going to tell y'all, I'm not proud of. But anyone who knows me, knows that I can get pretty riled up when I feel wronged. I'm not one to back down from confrontation if I feel it's needed. And it was needed.

So yesterday I go to leave for dinner with some friends. I notice that there's a big ass truck parked outside on the curb. It's blocking half of our driveway. "Hmmmmph. Guess I'll try to go around it." is my first thought. Then I got a little pissed because this is always the case. Cars, cars everywhere! I live inside a used car lot. So, I go to the neighbor's house and knock on the door. For the record, I was going to be nice. Say something like, "Whose red truck is that? I'm sure you don't realize it, but it's blocking our driveway. Thanks! (smile)"

That was the original plan. I knock. No one answers. Now there's no way they're not home, what with all the cars parked outside and all. I hear some pans banging around. WTF? I knock again, harder this time. Nothing. More pans banging around. Must be dinner time at the Douchebag house. Now I'm getting really pissed. You are ignoring me?!?! Oh, I don't think so!

I go back inside my house and leave a "sweet" message for our homeowner's association. Then I proceed to back out of our driveway. I thought I had it the first time, but had to try again. Thought I had it the second time, but had to try again. Now I am really, really pissed. I mean, I'm selling my car this summer and the last thing I need is to screw it up because this person is an idiot. So what do you do when you're pissed and the neighbor's won't answer their door? You guessed right. You lay on the horn. I mean, that's what they're there for, right? To call attention to yourself. So as I'm backing out, I'm honking and turning the wheel. Like laying on it, long annoying honks, just for them. Expressing my discontent in horn form. Ignore that!

Finally, third time's a charm. Barely scraped out. I almost used all my horn up. It was one of those close calls where I had to get out of my car to see if there was any damage.

I'm aware what it looked like. I know what you're thinking. You've really lost it this time. Crazy lady! It was kind of like an out-of-body experience. I had had enough! But if I made them feel the least bit bad about it, it was worth it. Plus, it made me feel a little better to tell the whole street how pissed I was at the neighbors. I know. Maybe one day I'll pass third grade.

The neighbors we had before these people weren't exactly Ozzy and Harriet either. It was a couple with a 5 year old boy. We got multiple visits by the mother, drunk off her ass, 5 year old in tow. She was usually stopping by to say hi or one she asked for help finding a new place to stay (which I complied, but couldn't help much) after she had gotten in a fight with her husband. I still get calls from debt collectors about those people. They call us because this is their last known address and they know we were their neighbors, so we MUST know where they are. Ridiculous.

I guess to look on the bright side, the neighbors aren't serial killers or running a meth lab. That we know of, at least. It could always be worse.